Memories

I stand next to the window on my living room, outside the rain falls heavily upon the world beating hard against the window and making a loud noise that somehow seems to soothe my mind. Lightning crackles amidst the heavy rain clouds; in the world below people rush all over trying to get some shelter from the unforgiving storm, car horns blare barely inaudible due to the noise of the thunder above and an alarm went off somewhere in the distance.

I stare blankly at the sky watching without seeing the amazing spectacle of nature's wrath because while the storm rages outside another one rages inside as well. Inside my mind the noise is louder than anything the outside world can throw. A thousand voices speaking at once that I cannot understand and images flash in front of my eyes that I cannot truly see. Then they stabilize and I see visions of days long gone, days so long gone I could not humanly have lived them and yet it feels just like I did. Their his memories I realize, Sepheron's memories. That accursed lagoon again and Selene smiling in the moonlight, a child runs around the grass laughing while playing catch with the fireflies. Tears stream down my face unbidden and a profound sense of loneliness invades me.

'Why Sepheron? Why now? Why do you keep doing this to me?' I ask in my mind.

I should be the one asking the questions here. What is it you think you're doing Silesius?

'What do you mean?'

You know very well what I mean! Who the hell is she, the girl sleeping in our bed?!

'Mirkalla... that's her name. I...'

I know that! I am you remember? We are meant for Selene and Selene only. That Mirkalla girl was meant to be a plaything and nothing more than that. That’s why I let you have your fun until now and stayed away for a while. But you actually went and said you love her?!

'That's because I think I do love her. Is there anything wrong with that? I am tired of waiting for the damsel of YOUR dreams, the one YOU lost. I am not you. You might be my past self from a long time ago but that's all, my life is my own now.'

You're as dumb as ever... you know that's not how it works and that you love Selene as much as I do. She will always be a wound within you that time can never heal. You need her, we need her. Otherwise, why would you even be crying right now?

My internal monologue is interrupted abruptly by a hand on my right shoulder. Mirkalla is wearing only one of my t-shirts and rubbing her right eye. 'Why aren't you in bed Wolfie?' She suddenly realizes I was crying and looks at me worried 'Why are you crying? Did something happen?'

'It's nothing... don't you worry. I just couldn’t fall sleep and the noise of the thunder isn’t helping much, that’s all.'

'I see, that's some powerful insomnia you have to bring tears to your eyes.’ She stares at me disapprovingly ‘You know you don't have to lie to me right? But I understand there are some things you still won't tell me and it's ok.' She pushes me against her body and hugs me tight. Then she whispers in my ear 'Everything is going to be ok you dumb wolf.'

I hug her back and the tears stop, the noise in my head abruptly stops as well and time itself seems to be frozen.

'See Sepheron? This is why.' I speak in my head but Sepheron never replied back.